Palinic Rage

So, I seriously get a little blinded by rage whenever I think of Sarah Palin's idiot comments regarding her son, old people and the wholly fabricated Obama "death panel." It makes me furious that this whackadoo a-hole, who supposedly serves (well, served, since she just up and quit her post) the public, is in the same business of whipping up the already frightened and befuddled masses of America into a terrified hysteria as Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity. At least those three ne'r-do-wells are pundits, obvious extremists whose purpose is more to entertain than to inform. But Sarah Palin is NOT a pundit. She's sort of a real politician and, as such, her words end up carrying more weight than a series of talking heads' do. She has a cult, a large one, of fervently devoted Palinites hanging off her words, because they mistakenly believe she is a.) an independent thinker, b.) looking out for their best interests and c.) not a steaming pile of nutjobbery. And this is dangerous. I can forgive cable news freakos. With their incessant stream of misinformation, lies and exaggerations, they're just doing what they get paid to do. But Palin seems to be on a different track entirely... one in which she is setting herself up as a moral authority and a figure of importance, cementing her reputation as a right-wing queen and giving her crazy army their marching orders. She's doing this by spewing outright lies in a performance that makes her fearmongering vice presidential campaign look tame and professional by comparison. She should be taken to task for this. She should be publicly humiliated for being a modern-day Joe McCarthy, the worst sort of personality our political system can puke out. She should be ashamed of herself, not only for actively working to keep this country in the dark ages, but by doing so in such an underhanded and wholly vicious way.

It bothers me because she is fanning fires where tremendous combustion may be imminent. She is doing a grave disservice, not just to us lefties looking for real progressiveism, but also to her own side's ideaology. Personally, I welcome debate on this topic, and I honest-to-God wish that the Republican party would chuck these politics of fear, the same tatics that bludgeoned our country into sad submission throughout the Bush administration, and offer up some legitimate concerns and counterproposals to the health care reform package. But instead of providing thoughtful, rational disagreement, they stoke their already loony and absolutely mortified base into mob mentality loudness and nebulous agression... who does this help? What good does this do for the country, when your opposition is based only in knee-jerk reactions free from the constraints of logic, understanding or reason? It's another sign of the right-wing meltdown... and that meltdown has grave implications for everyone, leftists included. As the Republican party continues it's ever-quickening descent into old-school Puritanism, Salem-style, there is a void of genuine fiscal conservatism left in the wake. Reasonable people are fleeing the right just as rapidly as the right is fleeing from them. And my side, of course, will view this flight as a mandate, and begin to get too big for its britches, like groups in power always do. And the pendulum will swing too far and people will be put off and a new, more powerful right wing will grow up as moderates on both sides of the aisle feel abandoned once again. We NEED the balance of reasonable, intelligent conservatives... but the current right wing seems hellbent on ignoring those folks and raising up cuckoos like Palin to raise the banner against imaginary boogeymen.

She's the closest thing we have right now to a honest-to-goodness supervillain.

A Farewell Address

Well, hey there, ladies and gentlemen. It’s me, your favorite lady-governor, here, and I guess it’s time to say my goodbyes. I know, it’s real sad, isn’t it? But don’tcha fret… I’m not really leavin’ ya. I’m just quittin’ my job, kids. I know, I know… you hired me to do a job and then I just up and quit on account of I didn’t really love how things were goin’, what with how dishwater dull it is up here and on account of most o’ my time now bein’ filled with lookin’ up “President of the United States” on the Wikipedia. So I thought, “How can I really best serve you, the folks that elected me?” And I figured it out: by quittin’ and maybe writin’ a book about the “politics of sass” or somethin’ like that. Whaddya think? Or, y’know, I thought maybe I could hook up with that Elizabeth Hasselback and that Carrie Prejean and we could have our own li’l version of “The View” on Fox News! That sounds fun, don’t it? Either way, it’s gotta be better than runnin’ this backwater state. Oops. I mean, “better,” as in, that’s how I can serve you better… by doin’ somethin’ on the national stage for Alaska. “Drill baby drill” and all that. And, hey, if helpin’ you all out means becomin’ the first lady-leader of the free world, well, ok then. Not that I’m necessarily gonna run for president. I might do it, of course, if the book doesn’t sell or they give my time slot to “Hannity’s Fear Factor” or somethin’. And to be honest, I probably will either way, I guess… But only because you deserve the best darned president ever! And who better to run the whole darned country than me? I’ve got patented in your face attitude to spare. It’s a shame that the liberal media can’t see that. They’ve been a pack of sourpusses, lately, huh? Always talkin’ ‘bout me like I’m some sort of circus sideshow. Is it my fault that unless I say something crazy or moronic, they don’t even mention me on the news? Remember when it used to be all-Sarah all the time? Anyways, those horrid, subhuman vultures in the media elite only seem to want to say nasty things about me! I don’t understand it… what did I ever do to those no talent, thumb-suckin’, puke-faced, illiterate asswads? Did they take offense just because I accused them of makin’ up stories about me and my family? Are they angry that I point out, daily, that they are the sole reason for the collapse of decency in our society? I love America! And soldiers! And babies with special needs! It seems to me that the venomous cretins who seem to “report” the “news” without so much as a gosh darned thought about how it affects me must, if they dislike me so much, also hate America, soldiers and babies with special needs. And that’s just wrong. And, yes, ok, I shoot animals from helicopters. So what? If these mollycoddled, whimpering li’l milk-babies can’t stand to see a real American woman do real American things like kill real American animals from real American helicopters, then maybe they oughtta just move back to the bad Korea, am I right? And sure, you can betcha that the liberal media will trot out their pretty starlets, and they’ll tell ya that I’m just some malicious gun nut blowin’ the heads off anything that freaking moves in my general vicinity, but that’s not the whole truth, my friends. No. What they won’t tell you is that I personally field dress and skin every one of my victims. Yeah. I’m not squeamish. I’m a red blooded American, not like those Gucci-wearin’ phonies! Soldiers! Apple pie! So, these darned intellectual liberals in the media with their crazy agendas will probably try to tell ya, on their “websites” and “iPhones” that I’m some sort of anti-intellectual, anti-media, egotist supermodel genius. And they’re right. Because I’m standin’ up for you, middle class America. I shop at Wal-Mart too! I won’t budge an inch to these educated hucksters and their need for logic, or reason or fancy-schmancy sense-makin’. You wouldn’t want me to! I can tell you love me just the way I am! And for that, I’m eternally grateful. It’s been a pleasure sort of half-heartedly serving you for the past however many years I’ve been stuck here in this freezing hell. Sure, I spent a good part of that time tryin’ to become the vice-president. And then I spent a lot more time givin’ interviews to conservative bootlicks who were so impressed with my bearskin rugs and snow machines that they forgot to ask me anything ‘cept how proud I am of my soldier kids. And, yes, then I spent even more time sendin’ my daughter on a whirlwind press junket just so I could chastise the media for talkin’ about her and that adorable li’l baby that made her into a worldwide celebrity by givin’ her an excuse to tell other teenage gals why havin’ a baby would be the worst thing they could possibly do. And, ok, after all that I just up and decided to quit because, let’s be fair, I’ve got WAY more interesting things to do. But it’s been a real treat. Now, I’m sure I can count on all yer votes if I do happen to run for the presidency of this great country in 2012. Which I’m not sayin’ I’m gonna do. But I am gonna do it. And I promise I won’t get bored with that job. Unless somethin’ way better comes along. God bless Alaska, God bless special needs babies, and God bless America!